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whatever's unclear to you, it's the same for me

by -ness

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1.
High Tide 01:27
~
2.
Simmer down, gather round– the king has come to speak to teach you how to think. Easy lies the head that wears the crown. The truth is here but it can’t be found, and you get tired of searching. A king plays faith like a game– no different than money, power, and fame. Shifting blame where it pays, a king will get his way. When you’re broken and looking for something to believe. When you mistake truth for honesty. Hard to see you when you’re acting like somebody else– trust everybody but yourself. And all the moments and the memories we used to share were polluted by a tidal wave of septic air. I start to wonder if you are still there. Simmer down, simmer down. Oh, we’ve been down this road before– they know you way too well. I can tell you’re shaken up by the posters on the wall– you let them in too easy. Tear ‘em off the wall or find another friend to call– I don’t want your propaganda no more. Words seep through your bones. Let the church absolve your soul and dissolve your fate in a prayer; dissolve your trust in the air. When you’re broken and looking for something to believe. When you mistake truth for honesty. Hard to see you when you’re acting like somebody else– trust everybody but yourself. And all the moments and the memories we used to share were polluted by a tidal wave of septic air. I start to wonder if you are still there. Written down on the holiest of scriptures, no wiser than the popcorn pictures. People cave to the grandest illusion, mass ignorance just an easier solution. And on my tombstone I really hope it read that I bled for the thoughts in your head you never said. And to think from hope and not fear– I would rather be Van Gogh’s left ear than have a sensible sustainable career. And I would rather smoke a j on the veranda than listen to your propaganda.
3.
droplet i 01:10
I am the ocean– robust and commanding yet formless. Unyielding one moment, hopelessly vulnerable the next. Let me not forget that as the sun beats down on me, I become a wisp of nothingness, floating up unseen into the atmosphere. And above all, above all– let me not forget that I fall as one solitary droplet; that I am just as much solitary in one moment as I am unified in the next.
4.
Me and my friends we go down to the water. We talk about getting older. We’re folding to the ocean. Stitch up my chest, cast my heart in a bottle. My body will walk up the shore till he finds it. I miss the warmth crawling up inside my skin. Looking at the sun, the pieces fall into place– this cityscape– I gotta burst out. The fisherman feels a pulse on his line, reels in my heart like a call to the sky. But, he throws it for my own good. A god among men gives the task to the waves, left me a chance to learn from mistakes and be honest. Be honest. My feet are in the sand and my head's in the sky, but my heart's in the water as I justify the earth, the wind, the waves all to collide. I salute to the fisherman, built an ark with my bare hands– said I’m done pitying my scars, set sail for my human heart. I salute to the fisherman, built an ark with my bare hands– said I’m done pitying my scars– can’t live as a human heartless.
5.
droplet ii 00:19
As a droplet of rain, you may find yourself far away from where you began. If this is your first precipitation down to Earth, you may feel as if you are far away from everything you’ve ever known.
6.
I’m trying just to sort myself out. Again, I’m caught thinking without taking emotion into account. Nauseously out of place. I was never good at goodbyes, but who ever was. Your presence 38 minutes away. Emotions that were long settled rose up like a wave and crashed in my head– scattering my thoughts and the beats of my heart. You’re clawing at my dignity, and now I got these holes in me.
7.
droplet iii 00:25
A droplet falls onto a windshield. Immediately thereafter, another droplet falls to the same exact spot, so that the two droplets fuse into one. You have every right to believe– in fact it’s encouraged to believe– in the miracle that two droplets have fallen from a mile high in the sky only to land at the same exact point in space and in time.
8.
Painted her name upon my wall in her pink underwear and bra. Right out of the army, she was free. In blue and white she wrote N<3far. She said, “Even when you’re on the plane home, you’ll be thinking of me.” Laughing as she whips her hair in my face in Gordon Beach. About the colors of a NY fall. About 2 lovers and imminent war. If we’re both single in 20 years, marry me and we’ll move up North– then came the tears– ”Ethan when you’re on the plane home, you’ll be thinking of me.” Blushing in her soldier green on Rothschild & Allenby. Now every shadow is a silhouette of your crooked smile, and I’ll never forget 5am. We ate bourekas on your kitchen floor– I never tasted something so bittersweet before.
9.
droplet iv 01:18
I can be the droplet that streams from a glass onto your parched tongue. And when you kiss your lover, I cling to the side of her cheek. I can be the droplet that your lover perspires as she fucks a guy you play basketball with on the weekends. Soon those sheets will be washed and hung out to dry, and I will evaporate once again into nothingness. But I would have been all of those things, and I’ll be many more things. Each touch down from the sky fuses another story with my own, slowly blending all our stories into one.
10.
How are you? I am good, the appartment, the sea, my friends and a bit of red hot chille papers give me happy vibes and power. I would still pay a milion or two, of course, to understand what is there deep inside your heart these days. Leslie– whatever’s unclear to you, it’s the same for me. I got a lot of emotions for this apt, for the moments that we past in, and it’s fucking hard for me to imagne you living there, making love with another man in our room. You know this shit has got to stop soon. You know I’m here alive, and you can be sure that it would be easier if you just took your things and went. Leslie– whatever’s unclear to you, it’s the same for me.
11.
drought 01:40
And then there are those plagued with drought.
12.
Blank stare and a shovel, heart filled half-full, head down as you near the horizon. You’re in full submission, got faith for no good reason– just know you should. Tunnel vision and you’re barely living, bounded by roots of a holy mission. The world won’t end when you see the light. Your face is gone, but the sun will still rise. That voice inside– you can’t let it go. You can lie to your mind but not to your soul. Money for his wife’s hospice went into a new rocket. Kids dance to the sound of it launching. Dug deep in the minds of the children, unearthed into confusion– you never stood a chance. Tunnel vision and you’re barely living, bounded by roots of a holy mission. We’re tunnel visioned because we think we can fix it, holding onto this hope when it’s fiction. The world won’t end when you see the light. Your face is gone, but the sun will still rise. That voice inside– you can’t let it go. You can lie to your mind but not to your soul. Burnt into oblivion on the ground, at the likes of your mentor who’s safe and sound. In all of this anger you took a life, or did you take your own because they took yours?
13.
Let us not try to erase our path. Let us not blindly follow. Let us shatter the glass.

credits

released November 11, 2016

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